Stupid Cupid
by Lady Liln
Summary: Sam likes Sally. Sally likes Derek. Derek likes Casey. Casey likes Noel. Are we beginning to see a problem here? Add in Sheldon, Emily, Lizzie, Jamie, Nora, George, and some random guy named Pete, and we have one Valentine's Day nobody's going to forget.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well, as promised: A romantic comedy of a Valentine's Day story. :D**

**I hope you enjoy it; don't worry, it should pick up in later chapters. Expect slower updates, because I don't have much written in advance this time (and won't have much time to write more within the next few days; tomorrow's my birthday!). Anywho, if you like this and you haven't already read it, you may enjoy reading my other LwD fanfic, which you can find the link to in my profile.**

**As always, I LOVE reviews! -wink, wink-**

* * *

Sam breathed in the crisp February air as he got out of his car at Smelly Nellie's. The sky was cloudless and blue, a rarity for this time of year, and the icy snow crunched beneath his tennis shoes. This was one of his favorite times of year—although that was probably helped by the fact that his February 8th birthday had been yesterday. Seventeen at last. 

Such were the idle musings in his head when he entered Smelly Nellie's, expecting to be greeted by the rich scent of hot coffee and the soothing music as usual. Instead, he was accosted by Derek nearly he stepped inside.

"Sam," Derek hissed in his ear.

"What?" Sam asked at normal volume, only to be frantically shushed by Derek.

"I need you to distract Sally for a few minutes," Derek said in a barely detectable whisper.

"Why?" Sam whispered back.

"Because _technically_ my shift doesn't end for another half hour, so I need to grab my hockey stuff and sneak out."

"But—" Sam wasn't given time to complete his sentence before he was roughly shoved forward, nearly running into a tall, pretty girl with her blonde hair up in a high ponytail.

"H-hey, Sally," Sam said. "What's up?" Sally turned; out of the corner of his eye Sam saw Derek bolt for the counter and duck behind it.

"Oh, hi Sam," Sally said, surprise and welcome in her voice. "It's been a long time since you've been in here."

"Yeah," Sam said, scratching his head. "So, uh, how've you been?"

"Fine, really. Nothing too exciting going on."

"Still broken up with—" Sam searched his mind frantically for her ex's name, but for some reason all he could come up with was "muscle-man" "—your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he's moved on no problem," Sally said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, I suppose you came to talk to Derek…" She looked around the small restaurant. Derek, who was behind the counter taking off his apron (and getting hopelessly entangled in the strings), tried to duck down again but tripped over what Sam could only assume was his hockey bag and fell out of sight. "I could have sworn I saw him a second ago…"

"N-no, actually," Sam said, taking her arm and dragging her over to an empty booth near the back of the restaurant, in case Derek made any more loud thuds that might attract Sally's attention. "I, um, came to talk to you."

"To me?" Sally said, giving him a strange look as he all but pushed her into a booth and took his own seat across from her.

"Yeah, see, I, uh…" Usually, Sam considered himself a pretty smooth talker; however it was slightly more difficult to make normal conversation when he could see Derek wrestling with his apron over Sally's shoulder. The few patrons in Smelly Nellie's were also eyeing the junior manager and giggling. "I, um, wanted to ask you if…"

"If…?" Sally repeated curiously.

"If you were planning to come to the hockey game this weekend we're playing against your school," Sam said randomly, although he had no idea whether Sally had any interest in hockey or not.

"Oh. Okay. Well, it's next Saturday, right?"

"Yeah, the fifteenth. See, I'm asking because Derek and I don't really know anybody from your school, so, uh, it'd be great to see a familiar face and all that—" Really, Derek was a much better liar than he.

"Is Derek playing?"

"Of course," Sam said, trying not to watch Derek somehow manage to put his leather jacket on backwards. He became nearly as clumsy as Casey when trying to do something hurriedly and not get caught. "He's the captain. The only game he's ever missed was when he had chicken pox—oh, and he left early one time because Casey called and told him to come home…something about Lizzie and Edwin's party?"

"Right," Sally said. "Well, I might show up. My school has a pretty good lineup this season, I hear, so it might be fun to come and watch Derek Venturi get taken down a few pegs." She laughed.

"Maybe," Sam said, finally looking right at her and grinning. "Then again, he's Derek Venturi—people have been trying to take him down a few pegs for years. They rarely succeed."

He was sure Sally answered him, but Derek had apparently given up on his attempt to put his jacket on and was now waving wildly to Sam across the restaurant.

"Right, well, gotta go," Sam said hurriedly, before getting up and bolting for the exit right behind Derek. Behind him, Sally turned, taken aback, just in time to see the two boys disappear out the door.

"Der-ek!" Hey, she didn't say it with as much class as Casey, but you had to give her points for trying.

* * *

"Oooh, look, a Valentine's Day quiz!" Emily exclaimed. She was lying on her stomach on Casey's bed, flipping through magazines while Casey did homework on her computer. "Come on, let's take it." 

"Kinda busy right now, Em," Casey said, rolling her eyes.

"Great! Okay, question one," Emily said as though Casey hadn't spoken. "'Your relationship status: single, taken, "it's complicated", or…engaged?'"

"Single," Casey sighed. She climbed onto the bed next to Emily. "Again."

"Okay…" Emily said, trying to figure out where to go from the answer "single". "Ah. 'When did your most recent relationship end? Very recently, about a month ago, a few months, a long while, a year, "what relationship"?'"

"A few months, ago, I guess. It was early November," Casey said wistfully.

"'How are you feeling about that relationship now? I'm so over it, I'm pretty much over it, I'm caught up and bitter, or I'm _very_ caught up and bitter?'"

"I'm so over it," Casey said immediately. "I mean, why shouldn't I be? It was _months_ ago. I broke up with _him_."

"Okay, so 'caught up and bitter'," Emily said, consulting the magazine.

"Hey!"

"'How did the breakup go? I dumped him, he dumped me, it was mutual, we just fell apart, "it's complicated"?'"

"It's complicated, I guess."

"You feel yourself wishing you were in a relationship: all of the time, most of the time, some of the time, none of the time?'"

"All the time," Casey said, flopping back on the bed. "It's like my post-Sam slump all over again."

"Yeah," said Emily. "But you didn't date Sam for as long as you dated Max, so the slump was shorter."

"That's because I met Max then. I mean, it's been so long, I might as well just put in a call to Kendra. It worked—sort of—last time. I mean, Valentine's Day is in less than a week and I don't even have a crush, let alone a date or a boyfriend!"

"Remember Valentine's Day last year?" Emily asked. "There was all that confusion."

"The dance did start off terribly, didn't it? But in the end…"

"I was with Sheldon, you were with Max, Derek was with Kendra."

"Then Kendra and Derek broke up for good, Sheldon moved to Newfoundland, and Max _dumped_ me. I hate all this love," Casey said grumpily.

"Oh, no you don't." Emily rolled her eyes and gave Casey a light shove. "Anyway, this is the perfect time of year to _find_ love. For instance, I'm totally crushing on Pete, and even though he's not as accessible as he was a few months ago, he will be mine. Eventually."

Not able to muster up a laugh, Casey just smiled.

"You must like _someone_," Emily wheedled. "Come on, you can tell me!"

Casey shrugged. "I like James Burton."

"Wrong answer. _Everyone_ likes him. That doesn't count. Try again."

"Well…" Casey stalled, twirling a pen in her fingers. "I kinda like—"

"Casey!" Casey's door flew open and then slammed shut, letting a new occupant into the room.

"Hey, Liz!" Emily said. "What's up?"

"Yeah, what's wrong?" Casey sat up and patted a patch of available bed space.

"I kind of need to talk to you," Lizzie said, sounding uncertain. "About…boys."

"Actually, we were just talking about that particular subspecies," Emily said.

"We're listening," Casey told her; she and Emily fixed Lizzie with unwaveringly attentive stares. Lizzie shifted on the bed, nervous.

"Well, Jamie keeps dropping all these hints at school, and I'm afraid he has something…big planned for this Friday."

"Big? Like…how big? What sort of 'big'?" Emily asked.

"I don't know!" Lizzie cried, throwing up her hands. "He keeps saying cryptic things, and the moment I convince myself it's all in my head he does it again." She sighed. "This sucks."

"Wait, why does it suck?" asked Casey. "Don't you _want_ him to make some big, romantic gesture for Valentine's Day?"

"It sounds sweet!" Emily put in.

"No," Lizzie said frustratedly. "I don't think I'm _ready_ for him to make some big, romantic gesture. I've just gotten used to the fact that he likes me and I _sorta_ like him back—"

"'Just?'" echoed Casey. "It's been months and months and months!"

"Things sure do move slower than when _we_ were in middle school," Emily commented, and Casey nodded in agreement.

"—Plus, what if he expects me to make some big, romantic gesture back?" Lizzie's eyes widened. "What if he tries to _kiss_ me?"

"I'm sure he won't try to kiss you, Lizzie," Emily assured her. "Jamie isn't a molester."

"If you really feel that way about Valentine's Day, why don't you just tell him?" Casey suggested. "I'm sure he'll understand."

"I don't want to hurt his feelings," Lizzie said. "And I'm going to feel really stupid if it turns out he wasn't planning anything after all."

"I see your problem," Emily said.

"Don't worry, Liz," said Casey. "We'll think of something.

* * *

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­"Great practice, D." 

"Back atcha, Sammy-boy."

Derek hopped on one foot as he tried to shove the other through one of the legs of his jeans.

"Coach'll be floored when he hears we put in extra practice," Sam said, his voice slightly muffled as he pulled his shirt on over his head.

"Hey, nice boxers," Derek smirked. Sam flushed.

"Birthday present from my mom," he mumbled. Derek laughed.

"Well, she's got great taste, man. White with pink hearts—very classy."

"Shuddup." Sam punched Derek on the shoulder. Laughing, they roughhoused for a few minutes, before they finally got completely dressed and left the ice rink locker room with bags slung over shoulders.

"Hey, where's your jacket?" Sam asked, noticing Derek was shivering in the nippy breeze.

"I left it at Smelly Nellie's, remember?" Derek said.

"Oh yeah. Are we going to go get it?"

"No, 'cause Sally's still there. And I'm guessing she's a little ticked I cut off."

"Speaking of Sally," Sam said, climbing into the passenger side of the Prince while Derek got behind the wheel. "I seriously think you have a chance with her now."

"Huh?" said Derek. He was rubbing his hands together for warmth while trying to rev the engine, which spluttered in protest against the cold.

"Sally, man. I mean, last time we read the signals wrong, but recently I don't even think that's possible. She's into you, she's flirting, she's interested, so ask her out! I mean, she's quite a catch, even for you." Sam grinned.

"Yes!" Derek shouted, at first Sam thought in reply to what he'd just said—but apparently his sudden jubilation came from finally getting the engine running.

"So whaddaya think?" Sam asked as Derek peeled out of the parking lot at breakneck speed.

"About what?"

"_Sally_."

"What about her?"

"You gonna go for her or what?"

Derek shrugged. Sam stared at him for several long moments, then turned to look out the window instead.

* * *

"Hey, Noel!" 

Casey saw the tall boy passing her in the halls of J.S. Thompson High and reached out to grab his arm.

"I feel like we haven't talked since the poetry slam in January!"

"That's 'cause we haven't," Noel said with a smile, playing with a strap on his backpack.

"Well, what's up?" Casey asked. They began to walk together in the direction of the cafeteria.

Noel shrugged. "Not much," he said. "A little poetry, a little singing…I guess you could just call me an artsy guy," he laughed. "What about you?"

"Schoolwork, pottery, debate club, poetry, extra credit, volunteer work, dancing, dealing with Derek, thinking of getting back into cheerleading…the usual."

"Sounds like you're taking on a lot," Noel commented as they meandered down the hall, students streaming in every direction around them.

"Yes, but I've got it all very organized, and I've scheduled in plenty of free time, so it's nice and stress-free," Casey said.

"Scheduled free time. There's a new concept for you," Noel teased. Casey laughed.

"So, any school musical audition plans in the near future?" she asked, giving him a playful grin.

"Oh, you know, I'd love to, but I have to wash my hair that day."

"Which day?"

"Whichever day the auditions are on."

"Oh, come on. You know you had fun."

"Well, a little. The swaggering was nice…as was laughing at Derek in his 'guyliner'."

"Gotta agree with you there," Casey laughed. "Oh, speak of the devil—"

The next thing Noel knew, she had grabbed his arm and made a sharp turn down a nearly abandoned hallway, dragging him along. The last thing Noel saw before the main hall disappeared from sight was Derek Venturi's surprised-looking face staring right at him.

"What was that all about?" Noel asked, once Casey let go of his arm.

"The last thing I need right now is to deal with Derek," Casey said, beginning to walk down this hallway instead—although it was in the completely opposite direction than they had been going. "Anyway, go on—you were talking about things you enjoyed about the musical?"

"Right," Noel said, falling into step beside her again. "Hmm…getting to kiss a pretty girl?"

"Really?" Casey stopped dead and turned to look at him with wide eyes.

"Yeah." Noel chuckled nervously and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "See, I kind of had a bit of a crush on you back then—that's the real reason I stayed in the musical. And, um, I was the one who got you flowers."

"I—wow—Noel, that's so sweet!" Casey said. She opened her mouth to say more, but Noel spoke first.

"Don't worry, I got over it; you don't need to give me the 'I value your friendship too much' speech," Noel said, winking at her.

"I—oh, I wasn't going to give you that speech," Casey assured him.

"Too nice even for that, huh?" Noel said. "Well, it's been great talking to you, Casey—but I gotta go catch lunch with some friends. See you later, alright?"

"Right…sure…" Casey said as he gave her one last grin and walked off. She stared after him for a few minutes, before being rudely interrupted from her thoughts by her cell phone going off in her pocket.

"Hello?" she snapped into it.

"Casey?"

"Edwin?" she said, confused. "Why are you calling me?"

"I've been trying to call you all day," Edwin said. "Why was your phone turned off?"

"Um, because I'm a _good_ student and don't have my phone on during class. Why are you calling from home? Are you sick?"

"No, I got left here this morning. Nora took Lizzie to school early for some school project, and Dad thought she took me too so he left for work without me and you and Derek obviously didn't take me so I've been stuck at home all day."

"What?!" gasped Casey. "Seriously? Oh my—Well, why didn't you call Derek? He's an awful student, he always has his phone on during class."

"I did. He just laughed and hung up on me."

Casey quickly ran through a list in her head of how to best maim or dismember Derek for this, but decided she'd better get to that later.

"I'll be right home, Ed, okay?" Casey said, nearly dropping her bag as she checked her watch. "I'm not going to have time to actually _eat_, but hopefully I'll be able to drop you off at school and make it back in time for class. Be ready." She snapped her phone shut and took off.

Really, life was so much more _peaceful_ when it had just been a household of three girls.

* * *

"Once again, I appear to have waited too long," George sighed, shutting the phonebook with a loud _thud_. 

"For what?" Casey asked, coming into the kitchen.

"Dinner reservations for Valentine's Day. Nora told me she didn't want to do anything big, but I remembered what you said last year, so I thought I'd make reservations early—but apparently Aaron's Pizza Parlor through Zonko's Bar and Grill are filled up a week past Friday with husbands who don't procrastinate as much as this one does. Now what am I going to do?"

"You could go see a movie or something," Casey suggested.

"I thought of that—but the only things playing are R-rated horror movies of blood and guts and gore, and none of that exactly spells 'romantic'. Your school's Valentine's Day dance doesn't happen to need a couple chaperones this year, does it?"

"Afraid not. Well, then…why not make Mom a romantic dinner at home?" Casey said. "Learn to cook…make a nice meal…candles, kick the kids out of the house, the whole nine yards?"

"Hey…you know, that's not such a bad idea! I could do that!" George said.

"Right," Casey said. "Just let me know when you start cooking, okay? I want to read the fire extinguisher manual before you start the oven, just to be safe.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This fic was inspired by: ****I love…Who?****, a Harry Potter fanfiction of hilariously epic proportions; Matchmaker sheets, a ridiculous little fundraiser my school's student government came up with; ****Matchmaker, Matchmaker****, a Harry Potter romantic comedy of my own; and A ****Midsummer Night's Dream****, classically brought to you by the Bard himself, and my English teacher who's making us read it.**

**I love reviews, and I get an email everytime somebody favorites my author's name or my story and when you add my author's name or my story to your alerts list. So I can tell when you're reading my story but not reviewing. Please, please take the short time to review; I really appreciate reviews, they inspire me to keep writing! Plus, it was my birthday the other day. –pouts- I really appreciate all the lovely reviews I did get, so thank you! (Oh, and I'm not trying to threaten you or anything...honestly ;) )**

**Okay, I assume most of you have seen the clips released and that whole podcast where the cast are reading through the last episode we have yet to see of Season 3, Derek's School of Dating? Well, if you haven't, do, because that's who Amanda is—and the "freeze-out strategy". But keep in mind I have no idea what happens, so when we finally do see it this story won't be canon-compliant, perhaps.**

**Once again, if you enjoy this you may enjoy my other LwD story; the link can be found in my profile!**

**Um…sorry for the very long author's note…I just love communicating with my readers. ;)**

* * *

Lizzie slammed the front door shut and angrily kicked off her shoes. She had been just about ready to throttle Jamie today, what with the _hints_ and _winks_ and…ugh. 

She was moodily watching TV with a large bowl of chips in her lap when an alien hand reached in and grabbed a handful of Barbequed potato chips.

"Buzz off, Edwin," she growled. There was the "Jamie situation", the fact that Edwin got to miss the first half of the school day, this rerun she'd seen 50 billion times, and now a chip thief. She couldn't handle much more.

"Whatcha watchin'?" Edwin asked, jumping over the back of the couch to take a seat next to her.

Before she could answer—or, more appealingly, kill him—two tiny people came running down the stairs to stand in front of the TV. Marti had her purple boa wrapped securely around her waist, and Dimi was holding a pen and clipboard—upside down—and looking nervous.

"Lizzie," Marti began, "What different kinds of roses are there?"

"Um," said Lizzie. She'd had a friend once whose parents had been florists; surely she could remember. "Well, there are primroses and wild roses, but you're probably thinking of the traditional rose, right? There's red, obviously, and pink, in all shades. There's white and a kind of purple-ish rose, and peach, and yellow, and orangey-yellow ones that look like sunset—those are my favorite. I think I may have seen a black rose before, but I'm not sure…There is no such thing as a blue rose, though."

Satisfied that she had covered them all, she grabbed another chip and took a bite.

"Okay," Marti chirped. She turned to Dimi. "Along with that gallon of chocolate I want a dozen blue roses by Friday." She grabbed a frazzled-looking Dimi's hand and dragged him off, clipboard and all.

Edwin chuckled. "Poor little guy. How many times have they been married?"

"At least ten," Lizzie laughed, bad mood somewhat averted. They watched the TV in companionable silence for a little while, before George came and took Marti and Dimi's place in front of the TV.

"Lizzie, I need you to tell me how this sounds. It's the menu for the Valentine's dinner I'm making your mother on Friday." He sat on the edge of the coffee table and read from his yellow legal pad. "Okay, for the appetizer I'm thinking apples—red delicious—with cheddar cheese—not mild, not sharp, but that medium—what's it called? Oh, nevermind. For the soup course, chicken-flavored Top Ramen—unless you think she'd like beef-flavored more? For the main course, gourmet hot dogs, and for dessert…chocolate ice cream."

He looked at them expectantly. Lizzie and Edwin blinked at him for a moment.

"You did say 'romantic Valentine's meal', didn't you?" Edwin asked.

"How is a hot dog supposed to be gourmet?" Lizzie wanted to know.

"But these were the only things Casey trusted me to make without burning down the house," George protested.

"Lobster. Mom likes lobster," Lizzie said.

"Oh, yeah, with butter sauce!" said Edwin.

"You could do a whole seafood theme—"

"Right: crab, lobster, salmon, halibut, shrimp, sushi…" Edwin ticked off on his fingers.

"I think there are some good recipes on FoodNetwork-dot-com."

"I think they have a sale on seafood for Valentine's day at the grocery store—but is seafood in season?"

"California rolls are her favorite type of sushi, by the way—"

"You'll have to research the appropriate wine—"

"—unless it's _not_ seafood season, in which case you could go with filet mignon or something."

"Which requires a completely different choice of drink. Have you thought about decorations?"

"You may want to buy some nice scented candles—"

"And a festive tablecloth. Do we _own_ a festive tablecloth?"

"What about music? Have you picked a soothing, romantic selection of classical dinner music?"

"Um—I—" George was frantically trying to get all their suggestions down on his pad.

"Tell ya what, Dad," Edwin said, patting his father on the shoulder. "Go talk to Casey. She'll know what to do."

Nearly as soon as George had gone off to find Casey, Nora stumbled through the door laden with shopping bags. And once again there was someone standing in front of the TV.

"Okay," Nora said. "So I told George we didn't need to do anything big for Friday, but I assume he got dinner reservations anyway, so I've been out shopping for his Valentine's present. I just couldn't decide what to get him, so I bought a lot, but I'll return most of it…"

Nora began unloading her shopping bags onto the table: a CD, a DVD, a cashmere sweater, a gold watch, cuff links, espresso beans, a book, a razor, a pair of shoes, a gift card to the hardware store, a new guitar strap, a mug…

"Did you buy out the whole mall?" Lizzie asked in disbelief as Nora emptied the last bag.

"Well, I couldn't decide. The CD is one he's been liking for a while, but it's cheap and he could always get it himself; the DVD is one I thought we could watch together, but I can't guarantee he'll like it and we could rent it instead, I suppose; the sweater—do you think it's too cashmere? It was sort of expensive but I thought it'd match his eyes. Do you think he'd wear it? I know he already has a watch but this one was so nice and even though it was a bit of a splurge, I—"

Nora paused to take breath, then prattled on.

"I hate this holiday," Lizzie whispered to Edwin, and what could he do but nod in agreement?

* * *

While Lizzie and Edwin attempted to watch TV downstairs, Derek was shut up in his bedroom with Ralph and Sam, under the pretense of "doing homework". Rock music blasted through the room. Derek was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, Ralph was riffling through Derek's CD collection, and Sam was sitting on the edge of the bed, actually attempting to do his math assignment. 

"Hey, dudes!" Ralph exclaimed, pulling a CD out. "This has our song on it…"

"Here he goes," Sam muttered.

"Me and Amanda are gonna request it at the dance!"

"Speaking of the dance, D," Sam said, closing his math book, "You gonna go? Or are you 'shunning it' like you _planned_ to do with last year's prom?"

Derek shrugged.

"We're already making plans for prom this year," Ralph practically gushed. "Mandy took me to get a tux yesterday."

"I think you should ask Sally," Sam plowed on. "What's stopping you?"

Derek shrugged again. "I dunno. I just lost interest, I guess."

"In _Sally_? Please tell me that's part of your freeze-out strategy," Sam said in disbelief. "If you freeze her out much longer, she's gonna get snapped up."

"That's how I won Mandy," Ralph sighed dreamily. "Freeze-out strategy."

"You going, Sam?" Derek asked, shifting the subject of conversation away from himself.

"Don't have anyone to ask, really."

"I gave Amanda a rose when I asked her to go with me…I think I'll give her a whole bouquet at the dance."

"D'you think that was really was Schlepper yesterday?" said Derek, continuing to ignore Ralph.

"Huh?" said Ralph.

"We thought we saw Sheldon Schlepper when we were driving home from the rink yesterday," Sam explained.

"Didn't he move to Antarctica or something?" asked Ralph, temporarily distracted from his Amanda-mania.

"Newfoundland."

"Oh."

"Hey, do you know that Noel kid?" Derek asked suddenly, propping himself up on his elbows to stare at Sam.

"Yeah, sorta…he's in my Spanish class. Why?"

"Does he have a girlfriend?"

"Not that I know of. Why?"

"Does he like Casey?"

"I have no idea. Why?"

"Does _Casey_ like _him_?"

"Dunno. Why?"

"Is he planning on asking her out?" Derek got off the bed and started to actually pace around his room. "Has he already asked her out? What exactly was she doing dragging him into a deserted hallway today at lunch when she should have been going to get Edwin after I ignored him?"

"Wait…what?" Sam said, totally losing Derek's train of thought. "Wait, why?"

Derek shrugged. "Well, if any of the answers is yes, then it's my job to ruin it for her. I live to make Casey miserable."

"Right," said Sam, rolling his eyes.

"I live to make Amanda happy," Ralph cooed. Ralph plus cooing equals…not a good thing.

"Gag me," Derek groaned.

* * *

Lizzie and Edwin were in the game closet, as usual, Marti had dragged Dimi over to Emily's, George and Nora were out for a movie, Derek was holed away with Sam and Ralph "doing homework", and Casey was fixing herself a snack. 

_Ding, dong!_

Casey left the carton of ice cream to soften on the counter and went to open the door.

"What, no compliments on my appearance this time?"

Casey laughed. "Hey, Sally. Come in."

"Thanks," Sally said, entering the house with Derek's leather jacket over her arm. "Sorry to drop by so late—"

"Oh, no problem," Casey said, waving an airy hand. "Did Derek forget something at work again?"

"Well, in a way…"

"Derek!" Casey yelled up the stairs.

"What?" he hollered back.

"Sally's here to see you!"

There was a long pause, then: "I'm not home!"

Casey crinkled her forehead in confusion. "That's odd," she said. She started to head up the stairs, but Sally stopped her.

"No, it's okay," Sally said. "I know why he's avoiding me—He didn't 'forget' his jacket, he left it when he sneaked off work a half hour early. So he's probably a _little_ afraid."

"Oh, of course," Casey said, rolling her eyes. "That is _so_ like him. Here, let me take that for you." She took Derek's jacket and carefully hung it on the coat rack.

"Well, I should probably go now," said Sally, starting back towards the door.

"Okay," said Casey. "I'm sorry you drove all the way down for the Creature—you want to stay for some ice cream, or something?"

"Hey," Sally laughed. "You don't have to feel bad for what your stepbrother did or didn't do."

"I know, it's just—are you sure you don't want some ice cream? I was having some anyway."

"No, really, it's okay," Sally assured her.

"It's chocolate," Casey wheedled, feeling honestly bad for Derek's mistreatment of Sally after she had gone so far out of her way to give the undeserving jerk his stupid jacket.

"Okay, fine, you've convinced me," Sally said, pulling out a chair at the dining room table. "Bring on the chocolate."

Casey smiled and went into the kitchen to grab the ice cream and two spoons. She came back out, handed one to Sally, and took a seat across from her with her own spoon. "Dig in," she invited.

"Thanks," Sally said, proceeding to do just that.

"So," Casey said after a moment, around a mouthful of ice cream, "He cut off? When?"

Sally shrugged. "Yesterday. I think he left to go play hockey—he had his bag, anyway, and left with Sam. Who I think had been told to distract me." She laughed. "It worked, up until the last second, anyway."

"So irresponsible," Casey muttered. "Anyway, enough about the Creature… Are you still going out with…um…Patrick?"

"No, we've been broken up for months, for good this time. What about you and Max?"

"Same here," Casey sighed.

"So neither of us has someone to snuggle up with for Valentine's Day," mused Sally.

"I guess not," Casey agreed.

"Well, then here's to girl power." Sally took a large spoonful of ice cream. "But…I do sort of have a crush…I'm not sure it'll go anywhere, though."

"Ooh, dish," Casey said eagerly. It had been days since she'd heard some decent gossip, and even though she was usually above and opposed to such things (example: _last_ Valentine's Day), she was dying for some interesting news.

"I don't know… I know he _used_ to like me, but I may have waited too long. I don't know if he does anymore."

"Well, what makes you think he doesn't?"

"Probably the fact that he's not constantly hitting on me and trying to score," Sally admitted.

They continued talking (gossiping), eating (gorging), and laughing (hysterically), as the bottom of the carton began to make an appearance and the sun inched lower in the sky.

"Anyway," Casey was saying a good forty-five minutes later, her spoon scraping the bottom of the paper carton, "So he told me he _used_ to like me, you know, but then he laughed and said don't worry, he got over it. I mean, what exactly am I even supposed to _say_ to that? Especially when I just sort of realized recently I totally have a crush on him?"

"So you definitely like him, then?"

"Yes! But I didn't like him when he liked me because I was dating Max—I think I may have lost _my_ chance, too."

"You don't know that. He could just be saying that," Sally suggested. "Maybe he still likes you, and was—testing the waters, or something."

"Maybe," Casey said as she finished off the last spoonful of ice cream. "I hope so."

"Oh, shoot," Sally said suddenly, looking at her watch. "I really gotta go—I didn't realize it was so late."

Casey glanced at the clock above the mantle. "Me neither," she said. She put both of their spoons into the empty carton and quickly carried it into the kitchen. "My mom and George should be home any minute."

"Well, it's been fun," Sally said with a smile. "We should do it again sometime." She stood up and began to walk to the front door.

"Yeah, next time you come to visit the Creature," Casey said, walking with her as far as the coat rack. She was really liking this new name she had come up with to describe Derek. "Hey," she said as Sally opened the door and stepped outside, "good luck with your boy problems."

"You, too," Sally said, and shut the door.

* * *

Noel had been having a very odd day. 

First, Derek Venturi kept popping up everywhere. He was there in the hallway, staring straight at Noel, when Noel was getting his books out of his locker. He was lurking behind when Noel walked to class. And he was there at lunch, practically dogging his footsteps as Noel went to the cafeteria, the bathroom, his locker—Derek wasn't as inconspicuous as he seemed to think he was. Noel had never pegged The Derek Venturi as a stalker type, but Noel was actually surprised when Derek didn't follow him right into the bathroom stall.

Okay, so it wasn't like he was _obviously_ following Noel, but Noel definitely saw more of Derek that day than he probably had in his entire life before that. And he knew it wasn't his imagination, as Derek always seemed to be in the middle of a conversation when Noel turned to look at him—and the person he seemed to be in the middle of a conversation with was always giving him a very strange look.

Noel had no idea why Derek seemed to have developed a sudden interest in everything he did. But that wasn't the only thing strange about his day—there was Casey, too.

Now, Noel liked Casey. When she wasn't dating Max, she was levelheaded, fun, smart, and an all around cool girl. But today she was…different.

If Derek was constantly watching him from afar, Casey was constantly talking to him up close. She stopped to talk to him between pretty much every class, despite the fact that he'd never before seen her on the routes he usually took to his classes. She'd be peppy and giggle and touch his arm a lot, and he'd be confused and bewildered. And _Derek_—Derek would sidle closer, and his eyes would narrow, and he'd take it in turns to glare at Casey and Noel, who had no idea what exactly he'd done to deserve Derek's glare. When Casey was talking to him, Derek seemed to give up all pretense of pretending not to be following Noel. Casey seemed not to notice her stepbrother at all.

Except during the assembly. The assembly at which Casey had bounded up to Noel's side and sat by him, chattering the whole time. The assembly at which Derek took a seat right behind them, breathing down Noel's neck the whole time. Casey noticed him then, and glared very hard, which Derek pretended not to notice. Noel pretended not to notice, either. He wasn't sure what was going on, if he'd gotten involved of some family feud or what, but he wanted out.

After the assembly, Noel began very quickly walking in the opposite direction whenever he saw either of the teenagers from the McV clan heading his way. Had he not been so preoccupied with all the strangeness, he might have noticed some other things that were out of place at J.S. Thompson High.

He might have noticed Emily, who had had basically no contact with Bulldog football players since Casey broke up with Max, having an animated conversation with a big linebacker Noel was pretty sure was called Pete. He might have noticed Ralph, who was usually off in his own world of rock'n'roll, hugging a blonde girl and calling her "cupcake" and "Mandikins". He might have noticed Sam repeatedly hitting himself upside the head and muttering things like "stop thinking about her". There were many things he might have noticed.

But all Noel really wanted to was to go home and crawl in bed.

All was not well.

* * *

Paul had just finished organizing his files. It had taken him a good half hour just to organize everything he had on Casey—in fact, he was hoping she wouldn't come in with any more problems before he had time to request a new filing cabinet from…whoever handled that sort of thing. Alas, he had no such luck. 

"Hey, Paul!" There was no mistaking that voice, or the way she just barged into his office without knocking… Idly, Paul wondered if she did the same thing in her siblings' bedrooms at home.

"Hello, Casey," Paul replied in a measured tone. "Sit…down," he trailed off; Casey had settled herself into the chair in front of his desk before he had finished greeting her.

"Paul, I need to talk to you. About boy problems."

"Oh, I…" Really, that was more a mother thing. He was just the guidance counselor. What expertise did he have on dating?

"See, I just realized recently that I really like this guy. But I'm not sure if I should tell him, or what, because I'm not sure he likes me back, right? But I really do like him, and even though it feels like it came on sort of suddenly I think I might have subconsciously liked him for a while. So today, since Valentine's Day is so close, I've been turning the flirting volume up way high, but I don't know if he's even noticed, or what. Or if he likes me. So what do you think I should do?" She said it all very quickly, so that it took Paul a few seconds to comprehend what she was saying.

"Well," Paul said, feeling a bit of hope growing inside of him. "You say you just realized you liked him, but you might have liked him for a while?" Casey nodded. "What exactly do you like about this boy?" If she didn't want to admit who it was, fine, but she would at least confirm his suspicions.

"Oh, I don't know, it's just that he's so…different. Not like out there, weird, crazy different, but just unique. And he's got a really cute smile—I think a lot of girls like that smile, actually. And he does talk to me a lot. And…I don't know…"

Well, that certainly sounded like the Derek Venturi he knew—albeit indirectly. He tried not to show his joy at Casey's finally admitting she was in love with her stepbrother, as he'd known for a long time. It wasn't a in a professional's place to be so excited. And anyway, of course the only reason it made him so happy was because it showed she was making progress, growing and maturing as an individual.

"I'm sure he likes you back, Casey," Paul said, giving her a warm smile.

"But…how would you know? Do you know who I'm talking about?"

"Yes, I do," he assured her. "And don't worry, I think it's great."

"Oh…okay. Well, thanks," she said, sounding a little confused. Obviously she hadn't been expecting him to know, or his ready approval.

"So you want to know how you should tell him," Paul said thoughtfully.

"Yes, and hopefully before the dance, because I don't think he's going to be there if he doesn't have a date."

Paul nodded, remembering Casey's tale last year about Derek's aversion to prom.

"Well, if I know…this boy, I can see how it might be complicated to just sit down and talk it out, or tell him you like him, or anything like that," Paul thought out loud.

"You know, I've been thinking the same thing," Casey said eagerly. "Emily and I were talking today, and we have this idea that he's really a pent-up volcano of passion, just waiting to explode—and I don't think just talking will cause that eruption. If he really does like me, of course."

"Oh, he does," he said. "Don't worry." He was pretty surprised, actually—although pleasantly so—that Casey had gone to apparently hating Derek to being so enthusiastic about liking him in such a short space of time. It just went to show how mature she was, even when handling something as big as the fact that she was in love with her stepbrother.

"So, what are you going to do, then? Just go up and give him a big smackeroo in the middle of the hall?" Paul joked.

Casey looked thoughtful. "Actually," she said slowly. "That's not such a bad idea. It would show him how much I cared—and if he really does like me, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. He might be glad I made the first move. He might think it's romantic—poets are really romantic. He might be too shy to make the first move himself."

Wait—poet? Shy?

"Casey," Paul said, a bit confused now. "I think your love—well, liking of this boy may have sort of…blinded you, or something… Don't go making misconceptions, you're smarter than that—"

"Thanks for everything, Paul!" Casey said, standing up, and leaving. "You've been a big help."

* * *

**Let the chaos begin…hee hee. Not one of my favorite chapters, but I'd **_**love**_** to know what you think! (Also, I just realized that this fic is not much shorter than The Various Misadventures of Casey and Derek, and I'm only two chapters in! -shocked face-**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for the long waits between updates, guys. And thanks so much for all your lovely reviews! I do love reviews.**

**Okay, so I'm officially ignoring "Derek's School of Dating" for this one—never happened. The freeze-out strategy and Amanda exist, but the events in that episode never transpired. Mmkay? Mmkay.**

**To avoid any confusion, Pete is the one mentioned at the beginning of Allergy Season, the one Emily wanted Casey to hook her up with. Ryan is from The Bully Brothers. Teddy is from Misadventures in Babysitting. Jamie—well, I assume you all know who he is. The ever-so-briefly-mentioned AJ is of my own creation, and is merely used to illustrate a point.**

**Sorry; I know it's a short chapter. I actually originally had a lot more planned for this chapter before I realized that none of it was working out, so I scrapped a **_**huge**_** part of it and just decided to include all the necessary bits in the next chapter.**

**We good? Then let it begin.**

* * *

"Casey!" Derek's bellow easily carried up the stairs and through the door into her room. "Someone's here for you!" 

"I'm coming!" she called back, and quickly got up to go downstairs. She saw who it was about halfway down and nearly tripped her way down the rest of the stairs.

"Sh-Sheldon?" she said, regaining her balance at the foot of the staircase.

Sheldon it was, standing in front of the closed front door with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, looking rather nervous. The most likely cause of this was Derek, who was leaning against the banister with his arms crossed and giving Sheldon a suspicious glare for no apparent reason.

"Hi, Casey," Sheldon said, and Casey was forced to accept that he really was standing in her house, slightly lisping voice, short dark hair, dorky clothes and all. "Long time no see."

"Yeah," she said, still blinking with shock. "Why…um…What brings you back?"

"Oh, we're just visiting relatives for a week, so I'm just here 'till Saturday. I would have come sooner, but,"—he shrugged—"you know. Relatives."

"Right," she said. She tried not to show her bewilderment _too _much—although she was sure he'd never just dropped by her house to see her when he still lived in London. "Have you been to see Emily yet?"

Sheldon made a strange face. "Well, no, not exactly," he began.

"Too awkward?" she guessed.

"No, it's not that, it's—" Sheldon glanced over her shoulder at Derek. "It's actually what I came to talk to you about. D'you think we could, um, go up to your room or something?"

"Oh, sure," said Casey, slightly confused. She turned around and found herself face-to-face with Derek.

"Move," she snapped. He gave her a begrudging look and did so. She could feel his eyes on her back as Sheldon followed her up the stairs.

"Sit," she invited Sheldon, opening her bedroom door and gesturing to the bed. She closed the door and perched on her desk chair, swiveling to face him.

"So," she said. "How's Newfoundland?"

"Oh, it's good," he replied, removing his jacket. "Cold."

She nodded, smiling sympathetically. "But you've been doing all right there?"

"Yeah. Bigger school, nicer house…different. But nice."

She nodded. He nodded. She supposed they looked like bobbleheads.

"So…" she ventured. "You wanted to talk to me about…?"

"Oh! Right, Emily." He coughed. "Um, see, even though I'm only back for a week, I wanted to meet up with her, take her to the Valentine's dance—remember, we were just beginning to go out around last year's dance? I know we decided this long-distance thing was too difficult, but just for this week—just for Friday night, even, I'd kind of like to be with her again."

"Wow," she said. Who knew Sheldon Schelpper could be such a romantic? He was full of surprises, that's for sure.

"But I need your help," Sheldon said earnestly. "I kind of want to surprise her. Ask her to the dance with some big, romantic gesture…what do you think?"

"I think that sounds great," she said. After all, unlike Lizzie, Emily happened to love big, romantic gestures. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, that's _why_ I need your help. Any ideas?"

"Um," Casey said, thinking quickly. "Well, let's leave the Amazing Grace lyrics out of it this time." He nodded sheepishly. "I suppose you couldn't go wrong with surprising her with flowers and a box of candy during lunch tomorrow. But," she said as he opened his mouth to say something, "no singing." He quickly shut his mouth.

"Right," he said. "Got it. Sounds good. Thanks, Casey."

"Of course," she said, smiling. "Emily's a romantic just like me; I'm sure she'll swoon…or leap into your arms and kiss you." She sighed, wishing Noel would do such a thing for her.

"Well, that's what I'm hoping," Sheldon grinned.

"Just come near the beginning of lunch—you remember when it starts, right? I'll keep her at her locker until you show up. It's the same as last year, number 1126, by the Chem lab?"

"Yeah, I remember," Sheldon says. "Thanks again, Casey." He stood up, gave her a quick and awkward hug, and left, managing not to trip over anything for what may have been the first time in his life.

No sooner had she heard the sound of the front door being opened and closed than her phone rang. She saw it was Emily and picked it up right away.

"Hey, Em," she said.

"Casey!" Emily's squeal was so high-pitched Casey was sure it must have punctured her eardrum. "You'll never guess what. You'll never _believe_. Go on, guess."

"Um," Casey said. "I don't know?"

"Oh, you're no fun." She could practically hear Emily's pout through the receiver. "I'll tell you anyway." She took a deep, excited breath. "Pete asked me to the dance!"

Oh, snap.

* * *

The shrill sound of first bell echoed through the halls of J.S. Thompson High, reminding students they had five minutes to get to class. Ryan slammed his locker shut and punched a few of his buddies on the arm before heading off to English. 

He often resented the long walk from his locker to his English classroom. He resented it even more today, when he found himself walking behind Sneaky-Slinky-Stinky and Scrappy-Slimy-Smelly or whatever the hell they called themselves that meant "puny".

"Hey, D," he heard Sam say to Derek ahead of him. "What gives? You ever gonna tell me why you suddenly 'lost interest' in Sally?"

Walking about three yards behind them, Ryan rolled his eyes. How sweet. _Relationship_ issues. And in a hallway that wasn't even completely deserted. What a couple of girls.

"I just…did, okay?" Derek mumbled. Really, even his mumble was loud enough for Ryan to hear.

"But you've been acting really weird lately, man," Sam pushed. "I know there's something you're not telling me."

Derek let out a big gust of breath. Against his better judgment, Ryan listened harder.

"Fine," Derek said. "There's someone else. Happy now?"

"Hey, dude." Sam punched Derek in the shoulder. "Cool. Who is it?"

"I can't tell you," Derek admitted.

Ryan could see the look of confusion on Sam's face, even from where he was.

"What d'you mean?" Sam asked. "Why not?"

Derek shrugged. "You wouldn't understand."

"C'mon, you can tell me."

Ryan nearly gagged. Just his luck to be witnessing this not-so-touching heart-to-heart.

"No, I can't." Derek shoved his hands deep into his pockets as they walked. "I can't tell anyone. I mean, it took _me_ a long time to accept it."

He sounded like a freakin' therapy patient. Oh, Ryan could have beat up this wuss so easily if it weren't for his hellcat of a stepsister.

"I don't get it," Sam said, sounding even more idiotic than usual in Ryan's opinion.

"See, me liking…this person, is just _wrong_. Sick and wrong. Frowned upon by society wrong..."

"Dude, _what_ are you talking about?"

Yeah, Ryan thought, what _was_ the idiot talking about?"

"Plus," Derek went on moodily as they came into the English wing, "We've always, like, hated each other—"

"You and this person you like?" Sam interjected.

"Yeah. And it would just be weird, you know, if I suddenly told them I was completely in love with them—"

"You really think it's love?" Sam asked disbelievingly.

"I don't know what it is," Derek sighed. "I just know it's not gonna work out."

Ryan followed them into the English classroom and took his seat with a furrowed brow. Who was Derek talking about? Could it be one of Sam's sisters? Probably not; Ryan knew just as well as Sam and the rest of the school that Derek had kissed at least two of Sam's sisters years ago. Besides, that wasn't really "frowned upon by society"—just by Sam.

Was this person engaged? Married? A teacher? Fifty years old? The possibilities ran through Ryan's head as the teacher began to lecture. What was classified as "sick and wrong"? So bad that Derek couldn't even tell Sam? Someone Derek had "always hated"?

Wait…realization began to dawn on him in a slow and sickening feeling of horror growing inside his stomach. It sounded like Derek was…_gay_. And just who was Derek enemies with? Bingo. Ryan was his name-o.

Oh…that word his mother wouldn't let him say.

* * *

"Hey, Lizzie." Jamie slid his lunch tray next to hers and took a seat. 

"Hi, Jamie," she said, bracing herself.

"So," he began, grinning. "Excited for Friday?"

"Gee, what's on Friday?" she asked innocently.

"Valentine's Day!" Jamie exclaimed, looking at her dubiously, as though not sure if she were joking or really had forgotten.

"Oh, of course," Lizzie said, stabbing at her salad with a fork. "Silly me."

"Come on," Jamie prompted. "Don't you like Valentine's Day? Full of love and all that—"

"Hey, Jamie. Hey, Lizzie!" Teddy said as he took a seat next to Jamie at the lunch table.

"Hi, Teddy."

"Hey, Teddy." Jamie sounded annoyed.

"I like your hair today, Lizzie," Teddy said.

"Oh, um…thanks," Lizzie said uncertainly. She surreptitiously touched her hair, which looked much the same as it did every other day.

"Anyway, Lizzie," Jamie said, turning back to her and effectively blocking Teddy out of the conversation. "I thought maybe we could scrimmage on the fields Friday after school—"

"The fields are covered with ice," Teddy said from behind Jamie. "You can't play on them."

"Then we could go to Smelly Nellie's afterwards?" Jamie went on, ignoring Teddy.

"Um…" Lizzie said.

"Hey, Liz." AJ waved at her as he passed. "'Sup?"

"Good job on the report today," Teddy told her. "I really liked hearing you talk about, you know, national cooling."

"Global warming," she corrected faintly.

Jamie rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Lizzie," he said. "About Valentine's Day—"

"Hey." Lizzie turned with wide eyes to see what guy was sitting down on her other side. Edwin. At last, she thought, someone—well, relatively—normal!

"Hey, Edwin," she said with relief.

"Oh, hi Lizzie. Hey, Jamie, Teddy, guess what…"

Edwin spent an animated ten minutes talking to Jamie and Teddy about something Lizzie had absolutely no interest in. They all ignored her completely.

Boys were so weird.


End file.
